"I am a mass of contradictions; I don't want to be but I am.
I preach a gospel of peace, but my life isn't always driven by peace.
I talk about a Jesus who alone can fully satisfy the soul, but I am often not satisfied.
I celebrate a theology of amazing grace, but I often react in ungrace.
And if I rest in God's control, why do I seek it for myself?
Even in moments when I think I am prepared, I end up doing what I didn't want to do.
Are not the fruit of the new life, are not the way of grace.
So there is this law operating inside of me.
When I step out with a desire to do good, evil follows me wherever I go.
There is this war that rages inside of me, between a desire for good and sin that is anything but good.
There are times when I feel like a prisoner, held against my will.
I didn't plan to be mad in the grocery store, but that guy made me mad.
I didn't plan to be discontent, but it just enveloped me in the quietness of the car.
That discussion wasn't supposed to degenerate into an argument, but it did.
I am thankful for God's grace, but there is daily evidence that I'm still in need of help.
That battle inside me cannot be solved by
Strategies - (doing, doing, doing)
Techniques - (trying to pull myself up by my boot straps)
I have been humbled by the war I cannot win.
I have been grieved by desires I cannot conquer.
I have been confronted by actions I cannot excuse.
And I have come to confess that what I really need is rescue.
So, have mercy on me, O God,
Acording to YOUR great compassion
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions
And my sin is always before me.
I embrace the rescue that Could only be found in YOU.
Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
This beautiful writing came out of a book WHITER THAN SNOW by Paul David Tripp (thanks Belinda for pointing me to this devotional). While there is no way that I have the gifts to write it, it was quite convicting and spoke to my heart, so I wanted to share it with you.
We had an incredible trip to Florida and got all of our questions answered. Life has been fast and furious since our return but I will write about our trip soon.