Wednesday, June 10, 2009

My Heart

Romans 7
"I am a mass of contradictions; I don't want to be but I am.
I preach a gospel of peace, but my life isn't always driven by peace.
I talk about a Jesus who alone can fully satisfy the soul, but I am often not satisfied.
I celebrate a theology of amazing grace, but I often react in ungrace.
And if I rest in God's control, why do I seek it for myself?
Even in moments when I think I am prepared, I end up doing what I didn't want to do.
Wrong talk
Are not the fruit of the new life, are not the way of grace.
So there is this law operating inside of me.
When I step out with a desire to do good, evil follows me wherever I go.
There is this war that rages inside of me, between a desire for good and sin that is anything but good.
There are times when I feel like a prisoner, held against my will.
I didn't plan to be mad  in the grocery store, but that guy made me mad.
I didn't plan to be discontent, but it just enveloped me in the quietness of the car.
That discussion wasn't supposed to degenerate into an argument, but it did.
I am thankful for God's grace, but there is daily evidence that I'm still in need of help.
That battle inside me cannot be solved by
Strategies - (doing, doing, doing)
Techniques - (trying to pull myself up by my boot straps)
Helpful hints
I have been humbled by the war I cannot win.
I have been grieved by desires I cannot conquer.
I have been confronted by actions I cannot excuse.
And I have come to confess that what I really need is rescue.
So, have mercy on me, O God,
Acording to YOUR great compassion
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions
And my sin is always before me.
I embrace the rescue that Could only be found in YOU.
Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

This beautiful writing came out of a book WHITER THAN SNOW by Paul David Tripp (thanks Belinda for pointing me to this devotional).  While there is no way that I have the gifts to write it, it was quite convicting and spoke to my heart, so I wanted to share it with you.  
We had an incredible trip to Florida and got all of our questions answered.  Life has been fast and furious since our return but I will write about our trip soon.


Kelly said...

Wow, I haven't gotten to that one yet but that's exactly how I feel.

LiNdSeY said...

My word! I just started reading that yesterday, just the story part... this is going to get good! Thanks for sharing mom, I always love to hear your heart wisdom! :) Love you! And trust me, you write better than you think!

Laurie M. said...

Thanks for sharing that. It sure speaks for my heart so much of the time, and why after all my studies, etc. I still just end up crying out for help and mercy.

I read his book War of Words, and it was really helpful in regards to relationships/communication.